


I'm Sorry, Dean.

by noobieninja



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 03:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noobieninja/pseuds/noobieninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Addicted to demon blood, Sam is falling apart at the seams. His thoughts are scattered, he's strung out, and all he wants is for his brother to comfort him. Too bad he can't seem to say anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry, Dean.

**Author's Note:**

> Was working on something else, and then this happened out of a sudden fit of SAD. Enjoy.

Hurt me.  
  
Torture me.  
  
Maim me.  
  
Kill me.  
  
Leave me.  
  
I don’t care anymore. I want this pain gone, I don’t want to feel this ache in my body anymore. It hurts. It makes every minute movement painful. I want this pain gone.  
  
Distract me by ruining me. Please, Dean, I’m begging you. I don’t want this anymore. Kill me, please, I don’t care if I go to hell.  
  
Dean.  
  
I don’t care if you’re my brother. Please. At least… At least do something. Hurt me in some other way, so I don’t have to feel it. This guilt, this…  
  
This anger.  
  
This overwhelming fury at myself.  
  
No… No, don’t. Don’t smile at me like that, like you can’t hear me. I know you can hear me, Dean, I’m yelling in your face.  
  
Aren’t I?  
  
… No, I’m not. That’s for the best, anyway. I don’t want you to hate me. I want you to keep thinking of me as your little brother. I miss how you used to look at me. Like I was someone you had to protect, or kill yourself for – because you aren’t the type to say “I love you.” No, you’d rather submit yourself to forty years in hell for someone than say that, and you did, for me and god I can’t thank you enough. But now I’m not your little brother, Sammy, bitch, the kid you used to hold until he fell asleep after hours of crying. I’m Sam, the demonic killer who’s too crazy to trust.  
  
I’m sorry, Dean.  
  
I didn’t mean to lose you.  
  
This is why I’m angry at myself. I’m not a person anymore, I’m just. Sam. The idiot little brother who lost himself.  
  
Please, don’t hate me.  
  
I don’t want you to hate me.  
  
I don’t want to be lost anymore, Dean. I just want this pain to stop. This ringing in my ears, this insatiable thirst.  
  
I’d ask if you understand, but… I know you don’t.  
  
I’m sorry.

\---

_“Sam? Stop staring at me, you’re freaking me out.”  
“Sorry.” ___


End file.
